#y

Be careful what you wear to bed, because you never know where you might wake up. ↗

— Ridley Pearson

#humorous #inspirational #keepers #humor

Patch: Y ademas hueles bien Nora: Se llama duchars. Utilizas jabón, champú y agua caliente. Patch:b Y te desnudas, conozco el ejercicio. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#love #sexy-humor #humor

Cupid, you worthless bastard, I summon you to human form! (Julian) Gee, I can't imagine why he wouldn't respond to that. (Grace) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#fantasy-lover #sherrilyn-kenyon #imagination

There are two Venices I know about and one of them is a hotel in Vegas. The other is an L.A. beach where pretty girls walk their dogs while wearing as little as possible and mutant slabs of tanned, posthuman beef sip iced steroid lattes and pump iron until their pecs are the size of Volkswagens. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#humor #society #humor

A comedian is simply a different kind of therapist. A comedian is a psychologist and a psychiatrist rolled into one. Except I can't prescribe medicine. (You still need a doctorate, which is bullshit.) Okay, so I'm not like a psychiatrist. Fine. But I'm still like a psychologist (except I can't diagnose or treat mental illness). ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#therapy #humor

Oh, come and stir my cauldron, And if you do it right, I'll boil you up some hot strong love To keep you warm tonight. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#love

They follow meaningless, boring rules and live meaningless, boring lives." Ahh," I say. "Except for you, of course." That's right." Because you eat butter straight from the pan." She arches her eyebrows, like Hey, I call it like I see it. Whatever," I say. "I'm not going to eat Snoopy just to make a statement. ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#snoopy #statement #humor

I cried because I had no wallet, until I met a man who had no money. I don’t know why he had no money, because that man stole my wallet.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#crying #humor #money #steal #stolen

We love reproducing. It’s one of our favorite things. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#dystopia #human-nature #humor #reproduction #shadowhunters

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa. ↗

— Ricky Gervais

#christianity #comedy #humor #humour #rationality