#y

I beg your pardon; I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#english #funny #man #vulnerable #funny

What's big, thick, makes the earth move, and wants to have its way with you?" "I don't know, but can you introduce me? ↗

— Gregory Maguire

#funny

C: What do you get when a giant sneezes? Out of the way. - Marigold ↗

— Jean Ferris

#giants #joke #funny

Waiters are the help, dear. It's like falling in love with a blender! ↗

— Daniel Nayeri

#funny #lucy-s-mom #funny

Is this why you think you are chosen by God, because only you can understand the funnies that you make about yourself? ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#funny

A funny little literary article in the hand is worth at least three Critiques of Pure Reason in the bush. ↗

— Aldous Huxley

#funny

That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple. ↗

— Sarah Hall

#funny

There's no time to waste," Kai said. He did a backflip off the tower and ran off. "What is it with that guy?" Jay asked. "Always in a rush! ↗

— Greg Farshtey

#time #funny

Liebe auf den ersten Blick existierte. Vielleicht nicht unbedingt zwischen Männern und Frauen. Aber definitiv zwischen Frauen und ganz bestimmten Klamotten. Ich sah es auf den ersten Blick – dieses Kleid und ich, wir waren füreinander geschaffen. ↗

— Emilia Polo

#funny-quotes #women #funny

Red tape is being mishandled as government wrapping paper. We should be putting it over politicians’ mouths instead. ↗

— Bauvard

#government #humor #politicians #red-tape #funny