Please come with me to my car, Belle,” he offered gently, limping towards me. “I mean, only if you want to.” “Uh-uh. Not with that attitude.” “Pretty please?” I shook my head disappointedly. “What’s the magic verb form?” “Belle,” he groaned. “We don’t have time for this. Plus I hate when you make me do this.” “Imperative, Edwart. The magic verb form is imperative. You don’t have to hide your natural inclination to boss me around. I want you to feel comfortable with me, Edwart. To the point of domination.” “Okay, okay.” He took a deep breath and pointed at me. “You,” he said stiffly, the words flowing straight from some primordial, bossy wordbank. “Come to the place where you want to go, which, hopefully, is my car, where I will be, God willing.” “All right.” He relaxed. “You’re not angry at me for being domineering? That wasn’t a trick?” “No, Edwart,” I said, leading him to his car. “Get in.

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #attitude