#asshole

I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional. ↗

— James Alan Gardner

#life

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off. * If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life. * Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian. ↗

— Etienne Guerin DeForest

#funny-quotes #humor #zombie #zombie-apocalypse #zombies

↑ top up position down The fact that I suspect I'm an asshole means I probably am not, because a real asshole doesn't think he's an asshole, does he? Therefore, by realizing that I'm an asshole, I am in fact negating that very realization, am I not? Descartes's Asshole Axiom: I think I am; therefor I'm not one. ↗

— Jonathan Tropper

#humor #jonathan-tropper #humor

Bitten? You mean you're a-" "A werewolf," said the girl. "Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole's sister. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #jace-wayland #maia #simon-lewis

He was too busy checking out and checking in, making and breaking plans, buying and losing cell phones, playing computer games and pool, looking at stock quotes, and living the chaotic life that effectively took up all his energy and time. ↗

— Dalma Heyn

#men #business

I DON'T DEAL WITH PEOPLE'S WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT KNOWLEDGE IS .IF I WANT TO TALK TO AN ASS I GO FIND AN DONKEY ↗

— dr.kushmore

#deep #inspire #man-and-woman #qoutes #reality

Sometimes being a nice person is all about knowing when to be an asshole. ↗

— John Cheese

#asshole #cracked #friendship #friendship

Some men are assholes and some men are cowards. What they both have in common is that both just stops talking to you, for no reason other than that they are assholes and cowards. ↗

— Trine H. Fredriksen

#assholes #broken-heart #cowards #hurt #life

How else to make a dent in an object as immovable as patriarchy itself...? ↗

— Dalma Heyn

#feminism #marriage #men #patriarchy #marriage

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. ↗

— Steven Winterburn

#assholes #depression #humor #humour #low-self-esteem