#asshole

↑ top up position down The fact that I suspect I'm an asshole means I probably am not, because a real asshole doesn't think he's an asshole, does he? Therefore, by realizing that I'm an asshole, I am in fact negating that very realization, am I not? Descartes's Asshole Axiom: I think I am; therefor I'm not one. ↗

— Jonathan Tropper

#humor #jonathan-tropper #humor

Sometimes being a nice person is all about knowing when to be an asshole. ↗

— John Cheese

#asshole #cracked #friendship #friendship

Some men are assholes and some men are cowards. What they both have in common is that both just stops talking to you, for no reason other than that they are assholes and cowards. ↗

— Trine H. Fredriksen

#assholes #broken-heart #cowards #hurt #life

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. ↗

— Steven Winterburn

#assholes #depression #humor #humour #low-self-esteem

I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#anal-lube #asshole #music #trumpet #music

Pretty people do ugly things. It was one of those laws of nature that Gaia had understood for years. If she ever started to forget that ride for a second, there always seemed to be some good-looking asshole ready to remind her. ↗

— Francine Pascal

#good-looking #pretty-people #nature

I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized." Everyone in the room stared at him. "I called him an asshole, too," said Locke. "He didn't like that. ↗

— Scott Lynch

#bondsmagi #cauterizing #tongues #torture #torture

I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional. ↗

— James Alan Gardner

#life

He was too busy checking out and checking in, making and breaking plans, buying and losing cell phones, playing computer games and pool, looking at stock quotes, and living the chaotic life that effectively took up all his energy and time. ↗

— Dalma Heyn

#men #business