#birthday

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake

My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#electrocution #funny #funny

I’ll be 30 in April. My birthday is March 5th. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

My birthday is on a holiday, I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#commemorate #death #holiday #humor #immortalize

Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after Christmas. "My parents just combine my birthday with Christmas, that's all," he explained. But we knew this was a lie. Glen's parents just wrapped a couple of his Christmas presents in birthday-themed wrapping paper, stuck some candles in a supermarket cake, and had a dinner of Christmas leftovers. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#christmas #humor #humor

Better to have to retrace your steps and then move forward than never to move forward at all. ↗

— Anne Burack Sayre

#birthday #children-s #delightful #elementary-school #funny

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. ↗

— Oprah Winfrey

#celebrate #life #more #praise #you

I count too heavily on birthdays, though I know I shouldn't. Inevitably I begin to assess my life by them, figure out how I'm doing by how many people remember; it's like the old fantasy of attending your own funeral: You get to see who your friends are, get to see who shows up. ↗

— Lorrie Moore

#life

The cake had a trick candle that wouldn't go out, so I didn't get my wish. Which was just that it would always be like this, that my life could be a party just for me. ↗

— Janet Fitch

#happiness #hope #sentimentality #wishes #wishing

I festered with this duality of love and ego, where ego scorns the very love its seeking and then despairs in its absence. ↗

— Meghna Pant

#meghna-pant #love