#birthday

One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so my mortality is on my mind.
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— Jarod Kintz

#anguish #birthday #death #die #human

One of the many problems with aging is that you begin to think of yourself as a slob because your birthday suit can never be cleaned or pressed no matter how spotted or wrinkled it gets ↗

— Bob Smith

#birthday-suit #wrinkles #age

When I turn thirty, in thirty days or so, I might be feeling old, so I’ll probably call my grandma up, because as old as I’ll feel, she’ll be feeling older. Twelve years older.
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— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #grandma #nonsense #old #old-age

It’s my birthday, who could be calling me? Probably my clone, wondering why he hasn’t been born yet. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #born #clone #communicate #communication

The event happened on my birthday. I don’t remember the date, I only know it was my birthday because there was no cake or presents.
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— Jarod Kintz

#cake #event #forget #memory #presents

The value of me is equal to 5097033198, but also 3051982. The first is my phone number, and the second is my birthday. I assign values to people. My fifth grade bus driver had a Cheeto factor of four. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #phone-number #value #equality

The way to beat Luke," he said. "If I'm right, it's the only way you'll stand a chance." I took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm listening." Nico glanced inside my room. His eyebrows furrowed. "Is that...is that blue birthday cake?" He sounded hungry, maybe a little wistful. I wondered if the poor kid had ever had a birthday party, or if he'd ever even been invited to one. :Come inside for cake and ice cream," I said. "It sounds like we've got a lot to talk about. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#blue-food #nico-di-angelo #percy-jackson #food

Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #humor #number-one #urinal-cake

I’ll be 30 in April. My birthday is March 5th. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

Better to have to retrace your steps and then move forward than never to move forward at all. ↗

— Anne Burack Sayre

#birthday #children-s #delightful #elementary-school #funny