#bizarre

My lifestyle is bizarre, but the only thing you need to know is where the darkroom is. ↗

— Robert Mapplethorpe

#darkroom #know #lifestyle #need #only

Years and years ago, when everyone knew that Pierce was going to be doing the job, they started selecting new people. I had this bizarre thing when I hadn't done many movies, and of going on for an interview. ↗

— Jeremy Northam

#bizarre #doing #done #everyone #going

Honestly, ever since I've been married, the part of a job as an actress where you have to kiss other people, I find totally bizarre. ↗

— Leelee Sobieski

#been #bizarre #ever #find #honestly

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff. ↗

— Matt Groening

#bunch #funny #funny stuff #got #grew

33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#age #birth #bizarre #child #children

In the early 1980s, Graham worked hard to turn the Repository into a respectable business, rather than a ludicrous one: Graham's wife didn't like keeping the sperm at the Escondido estate. Not only had the house been picketed, but a Japanese trespasser had once made a run at the sperm, only to be nipped by a family dog. ↗

— David Plotz

#bizarre #dog #sperm #business

A blanket could be used to represent my feelings for you. I think it’s slightly more communicative than me giving you a scrap of paper with a doodle of an erect penis. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

We all must die, but only I put the “must” in mustard. Sadly, the only man alive who understands what I mean is dead. RIP Mitch Ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #random #death

A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok Wangor, tell him I want the twenty bucks he owes me—and I’ll even give you a twenty percent collector’s fee.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#diet #earth #fruit #funny #gravity