#cal

Ladies and Gentlemen. I should like to inform you on behalf of the nation state of Guyana, that we are going to resign from being a country. We can't make it work. We have tried. We have done our best. It is not possible. The problems are insoluble. From midnight tonight, we shall cease trading. The country is now disbanded. We will voluntarily liquidate ourselves. The nation will disperse quietly, a little shamefaced but so what. We had a go. Different people have suggested different solutions. Do it this way. Try that. Let me have a go. Nothing works. We are at the mercy of the rich countries. A team of management consultants from the United States could not find the answer, and for not finding the answer, we had to pay them an amount that substantially increased our national debt. We give in, gracefully, but we give in." And then he imagined himself, quietly and with dignity, putting his papers in his briefcase, bowing to the hushed assembly, returning to clear out his office and going for a walk with his wife along the sea wall. (The Ventriloquist's Tale ↗

— Pauline Melville

#imagination

I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#kiss #mississippi #naughty #nautical #riverboat-captain

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin #calvin-and-hobbes #funny #song #funny

So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I'd always thought of myself as a pessimist. ↗

— Jennifer Bosworth

#energy #funny #irony #lightning #sarcasm

I was once honest with myself, on April Fool's day. I thought it would be the best practical joke ever, but I realized I'd already been the butt of an even bigger one. My birth. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #honesty #humor #practical-jokes #funny

All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny #funny-humor #humor #humorous #funny

The fewer moving parts, the better." "Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering. ↗

— Christian Cantrell

#funny #humor #mechanical #funny

The only practical thing to do with the absent-minded is to put them in retirement homes when they are born and admire their artwork when they are senile. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #practical #funny

Pops added,"you know, they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve." "And if you do, you never get the results you expected," (Katherine) replied. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#disappointments #election #elections #false-hope #funny

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny #humor #humorous #humorous-quote #funny