#comedy

Sir, he hath not fed of the dainties that are bred in a book; He hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink; his intellect is not replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts... (Act IV, Scene II) ↗

— William Shakespeare

#play #love

In the real world, babysitting is a groovy way for young people to learn responsibility (and earn a little pocket money). In the Terrorverse, it's a plot device used to kill teenagers. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#horror #money

He looked like every glossy frat boy in every nerd movie ever made, like every popular town boy who’d ever looked right through her in high school, like every rotten rich kid who’d ever belonged where she hadn’t. My mama warned me about guys like you. He turned to her as if he’d heard her and took off his sunglasses, and she went down the steps to meet him, wiping her sweaty palms on her dust-smeared khaki shorts. “Hi, I’m Sophie Dempsey,” she said, flashing the Dempsey gotta-love-me grin as she held out her hot, grimy hand, and after a moment he took it. His hand was clean and cool and dry, and her heart pounded harder as she looked into his remote, gray eyes. “Hello, Sophie Dempsey,” her worst nightmare said. “Welcome to Temptation. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#comedy #crusie #romance-novels #love

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#music #music

Ganteng bukan segalanya. Kau belum tahu saja, sewaktu-waktu dia bisa berubah menjadi monster yang mengerikan. ↗

— Francisca Todi

#relationship #romance #romance-novels #romantic #romantic-comedy

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#humour #monster #standup #balance

Tsuyokini,honki Mutekini,suteki Genki,yuuki! --Kusakabe Maron ↗

— Arina Tanemura

#manga #romance #comedy

So you want me to go to a human orgy, where I will not be welcome, and you want us to leave before I get to enjoy myself? ~Eric Northman ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#fantasy #mystery #paranormal #romance #vampire

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#comedy

To Fred, those years seemed to pass like quickly skimming a book and then finding the ending wasn't what he expected. He wished he'd paid more attention to the story. ↗

— Sarah Addison Allen

#magic-realism #thriller #comedy