#comedy

Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends. ↗

— Spider Robinson

#comedy #friendship #humour #sf #friendship

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent. ↗

— Steve Martin

#encouragement #humor #steve-martin #humor

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#music #music

A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is, 'suck it, Jesus! This award is my God now'! ↗

— Kathy Griffin

#blasphemy #comedy #humor #humour #religion

Son," he said, "you monkeyed up. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#adam-vader #boys-next-door #comedy #echols #endless-summer

Your confidence in me is heartwarming. Makes me want to return all the money I stole from the little old ladies and kick the heroin. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#adam-vader #boys-next-door #comedy #echols #endless-summer

I am bigger than the box I'm in. ↗

— Rachel Cohn

#self-esteem #romantic

Her dad turned to me. "You. Follow Me." "Woof," I said. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#adam-vader #boys-next-door #comedy #echols #endless-summer

Sorry,” he said. “Let me drop the belt-" “No.” She held on when he would have pulled away. “Don’t. I like it.” Again, he lifted her face, and he smiled. “The tool belt turns you on.” “No.” She closed her eyes and thunked her forehead to his chest. “Little bit. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#romantic-comedy #romantic

I'm not stalking her," I insisted. "I'm making sure she's safe. Besides, how could you stalk Lori McGillicuddy? She'd see you and come out to your truck and say, "Hi, I'm Lori. Are you my stalker? It's so neat to meet you! While you're stuck here watching my every move, can I bring you anything? Sweet tea? ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#adam-vader #boys-next-door #comedy #echols #endless-summer