#comedy

Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit." To boldly go where no man has gone before ↗

— Old latin maxim.

#science

A stitch in time saves uncontrollable blood loss ↗

— Simon Haynes

#science-fiction #science

Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#humour #monster #standup #balance

There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over. ↗

— Norman Wisdom

#easily #falling #fun #i #i do

And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#comedy #dumbledore #harry-potter #secrets #art

It's like a fairy tale. . . on crack! ↗

— Hillary DePiano

#fairy-tale #humor #art

If the weight comes from bacon you can so deduct it off the scale total to get your true weight. #science ↗

— Michelle M. Pillow

#comedy #diet #fiction #food #humor

Trina stared into her open kitchen cabinets. She was two and a half days into her pre-date-night ritual fast, and she was about to crack. Technically, she wasn’t going out on a date Saturday night, but Juliet was determined to have a man in her bed by the end of the evening. To be honest, Trina wasn’t really looking forward to tomorrow night’s manhunt. Sure, she was desperate for some hot monkey sex, but the thought of a one-night-stand was quickly losing its appeal. She wanted more than just plain, old sex. She wanted romance -- preferably with someone for whom she didn’t have to fast for three days to attract. ↗

— Lucie Simone

#hollywood #romance #romantic-comedy #dating

Ain't nothing going to eat you while Bubba's around." Caleb laughed. "They might toy with him for a bit but he won't let any past." Caleb to Nick. "Is something wrong?" Nick to Bubba "Nah... I just..." Bubba nervous. "Please, God, Bubba, tell me you're not about to ask me out, are you?" Nick to Bubba. Bubba made a rude sound at him. "Hell, nah. I'd date Mark first, provided he took a bath so I wouldn't have to fumigate my truck or store." "But," Bubba continued, "now that you mention it... that is what I wanted to ask you about." "Dating Mark? Really?" Nick to Bubba. 'Cause the kid with a brand-new license was such an expert on going out with others. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#caleb-malphas #comedy #dating-advice #nick-gautier #dating

The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists. ↗

— Yahtzee Croshaw

#black-humor #comedy #death #death