#d

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #fog #funny #humor #inhale

I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #magic #humor

I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #michael-carpenter #humor

I let out a battle cry. Sure, a lot of people might have mistaken it for a sudden yelp of unmanly fear, but trust me. It was a battle cry. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #women #humor

Ah, well,ʺ said Abe, idly studying his fingertips. ʺI have it on good authority thereʹs going to be a new ‘gateʹ opening up soon over on the south side of the wall." The truth dawned on me. ʺOh lord. Youʹre the one whoʹs been doling out C4.ʺ ʺYou make it sound so easy,ʺ he said with a frown. ʺThat stuffʹs hard to get a hold of. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#teen #young-adult #humor

The long flight from Georgia to England had been pretty uneventful. Exceept that Cal had sat next to me. Which was fine. Really. It wasn't like I'd been hyperaware of his presence and jumped the three times his knee bumped mine. And adter that third time, he definitely hadn't shot me a kind of disgusted look and said, "Chill out, will you?" And when Jenna gave us both a quizzical look, we hadn't snapped, in unison, "Nothing!" Because all of that would have been weird, and Cal and I weren't weird. We were cool. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor

Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?' To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.' The dog did nothing in the night-time.' That was the curious incident,' remarked Sherlock Holmes. ↗

— Arthur Conan Doyle

#curious #dog #humor #incident #mystery

I have to return some videotapes ↗

— Bret Easton Ellis

#bale #bret #christian #easton #ellis

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#children #clothes #clothing #definition #humor