#dom

I should have known the power-hungry slave drivers at River's Edge would see my five days of freedom only as a challenge to be filled. ↗

— Cate Tiernan

#freedom

Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. ↗

— Diane Arbus

#random #weird #funny

Martin was dafter than a syphilitic polecat - where do I get these metaphors from? ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#funny

I do know you're nothing like him. But you're still....still a lot. A lot to handle. I don't mean your junk, obviously, as we've not gotten to the fondling-bits stage yet. And I can't believe I just talked about your junk. ↗

— Nicole Peeler

#funny-and-random #jane-true #funny

Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…” "What about the tutorials, the lectures, the large building with all the books called the ‘library’?” “Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#college #colleges #funny #humor #humour

A blanket, coupled with an impressive erection, could serve as a suitable replacement for a lost tent at next year’s “Bring your son to work night” at NAMBLA’s manufacturing plant. What does NAMBLA make? NAMBLA makes me sick.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have to be such a bitch ↗

— Carrie Vaughn

#funny

I'm happy for the kid and everything, but how the fuck does Lio get a friend before me? I live here. 'I told you I could do it :)' Lio IMs me. I want to rip out that smiley's eyes. ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#funny

As my grandfather once famously shouted, in a drunken stupor, “You can’t have fish tacos if you still have the hook in your mouth!” And while I have no idea what he meant, or how it’s relevant, I tell that story to any indigenous Mexican I meet who doesn’t speak English. Interestingly, they offer the wisest response possible: they simply nod and smile. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
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— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police