#drunk

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#drunk #got #rabbits #would #you

An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men. ↗

— Charles Darwin

#again #american #brandy #drunk #getting

To appear on the stage drunk, to have them leave there and remember me making drunken mistakes, that was death. ↗

— Sammy Davis, Jr.

#death #drunk #drunken #leave #making

There is a ceaseless war against drunkenness and cruelty and vice. ↗

— Anthony Blunt

#ceaseless #cruelty #drunkenness #vice #war

It seems that whatever we do is somehow beyond reproach - murder, rape, drunk driving - as long as we go on a TV show and apologize. ↗

— Eric Stoltz

#beyond #driving #drunk #go #long

If a woman earned a dollar by scrubbing, her husband had a right to take the dollar and go and get drunk with it and beat her afterwards. It was his dollar. ↗

— Lucy Stone

#beat #dollar #drunk #earned #get

I only worked on Men of Honor for three weeks, but I walked away with so much. Because Bob is the kind of actor who gives you the opportunity to really go there. And we really had to go there. I mean, we were both playing drunks. ↗

— Charlize Theron

#away #because #bob #both #drunks

A cell phone rings. I can feel the vibration through Brittany’s pants. “It’s hers,” I say. “Answer it,” Isa Instructs. I already feel like I’ve kidnapped the girl. Now I’m gonna answer her cell? Shit. Rolling her a bit, I feel for the bulge in her back pocket. “Contesta,” Isa whispers loudly, this time in Spanish. “I am,” I hiss, my fingers clumsy as I fumble for the phone. “I’ll do it,” Paco says, leaning over the seats and reaching toward Brittany’s ass. I whack his hand away. “Get your hands off her.” “Geez, man, I was just tryin’ to help.” My response is a glare. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#drunk-and-passed-out-brittany #isabel #paco #spanish

You know,” she said dreamily, passing over his question, “you’re not nearly as handsome as Lord St.Vincent.” “There’s a surprise,” he said dryly. “But for some reason,” she continued, “I never want to kiss him the way I do you.” It was a good thing that she had closed her eyes, for if she had seen his expression, she might not have continued. “There is something about you that makes me feel terribly wicked. You make me want to do shocking things. Maybe it’s because you’re so proper. Your necktie is never crooked, and your shoes are always shiny. And your shirts are so starchy. Sometimes when I look at you, I want to tear off all your buttons. Or set your trousers on fire. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #romance #humor

Well enough,” I reply. “Remember, you’re drunk. And happy. You’re supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little more.” Day plasters a giant artificial smile on his face. As charming as ever. “Aw, come on, sweetheart. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I got my arm around the prettiest escort on this block—how could I not be lusting over you? Don’t I look like I’m lusting? This is me, lusting.” His lashes flutter at me. He looks so ridiculous that I can’t help laughing. Another passerby glances at me. “Much better. ↗

— Marie Lu

#humor #lust #pretending #humor