#er

You know,” he said, “P.S.S. Piss Camp.” “Yeah, I get it,” I said, “It’s just not funny. ↗

— Ripley Patton

#humor #supernatural #friendship

Your insult has offended me. If we were at the Peaks, we would have to duel in traditional alil'tiki'i fashion." "Which is what?" Teft asked. "With spears?" Rock laughed. "No, no. We upon the Peaks are not barbarians like you down here." "How then?" Kaladin asked, genuinely curious. "Well," Rock said, "is involving much mudbeer and singing." “How's that a duel?” "He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon' everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about." Teft laughed. "Beats knives at dawn, I suppose. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#drinking #funny-quotes #funny

As he flushed, an unexpected realization hit him. This is the Pope's toilet, he thought. I just took a leak in the Pope's toilet. He had to chuckle. The Holy Throne. ↗

— Dan Brown

#dan-brown #funny #humor #robert-langdon #toilet

Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it. ↗

— Jimmy Fallon

#humor #mittens #the-finger #funny

What the fuck is going on Lor? What the hell did you do last night? What did you say to Kacey? Who the hell is Blue Eyes and why is my car spray-painted with the word ‘asshole’?” Spray-paint? Oh dear God, what have I done? ↗

— J.C. McClean

#hangover #humour #funny

He had lost Will Herondale. And he did not know if he could ever get him back. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #will-herondale

My mom's a mad scientist. It's a lot like being a regular scientist, except without worrying about legal or moral limitations, and it's a commom profession among the scientifically inclined supervillain. ↗

— Chelsea Campbell

#mad-scientists #supervillains #funny

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#haunted-shoe #humor #paranormal-romance #random #richelle-mead

Bluestar's coming on patrol? Watch out for flying hedgehogs! ↗

— -Erin Hunter Cloudpaw A Dangerous Path Warriors

#cats #cloudpaw #erin-hunter #flying #funny

It doesn't matter what clothes you had or what shoes you had, or how cool you were, or how many Facebook friends you garnered, what will matter in the end is what weapons you had, how many zombies you killed, and how long you survived. ↗

— Caleb Eversole

#caleb-eversole #funny #humor #zombies #funny