#food

Eating be eating, b'ain't it, Birdie?' 'Nay, Uncle Bear: In Caermelor, at the Royal Court, they be so-oh, so much more advanced than anywhere else. 'Tis not done to wipe your fingers on your hair or the tablecloth, or belch, or speak with your mouth full of food, or scratch, or pick your teeth at table. Ye have to use little forks to pick up the food. Ye not allowed to pour wine for your betters or for yourself, but to wait for them to deign to pour it for ye, if they be feeling generous. And the carving of the meats must be done a certain way, and as for the toasts-it would take ye a whole day just to learn the complications. 'Takes the fun out of eating,' observed Sianadh. ↗

— Cecilia Dart-Thornton

#food #funny #food

Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her to cross my threshold without some form of nourishment. She once offered me cheese and crackers from her while we were standing in my kitchen. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #mama #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

I have a friend who is a funny cook. Her food tastes funny and smells funny ↗

— Haresh Daswani

#food

I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #rain #rain-soup #rainbow

Fake vitamin pills. Placebos. I sell them, because I sell hope.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hope #humor #placebo #sale #salesman

Dad says that everyone invented baklava.” It occurs to me now to wonder what that means. Aunt Aya rolls her eyes. “Your father? He is the worst of the worst. He thinks he cooks and eats Arabic food but these walnuts were not grown from Jordanian earth and this butter was not made from Jordanian lambs. He is eating the shadow of a memory. He cooks to remember but the more he eats, the more he forgets. ↗

— Diana Abu-Jaber

#food #home #lost #food

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.
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— Jarod Kintz

#baby-shoes #bench #bizarre #feet #funny

Happy National Philanthropy Day! Do a good deed today and make the lives of others better. Things you can do(if you can afford it): a. Pay for a student to attend College or University b. Make a donation to a bride and groom before they get married c. Donate time to volunteer at a hospital or nursing home d. Buy food and give it to a homeless individual e. Volunteer at a soup kitchen ↗

— Kambiz Mostofizadeh

#national-philanthropy-day #food

Most folks don't have but a few days to a week's worth of food in their houses at any given time. When they run out, they'll have to forage. Only the fools will forage in town. The smart ones will look on the outskirts. ↗

— Edward M. Wolfe

#food #food-storage #fool #fools #forage

One consequential change is that people used to get most of their calories at breakfast and midday, with only the evening top-up at suppertime. Now those intakes are almost exactly reversed. Most of us consume the bulk--a sadly appropriate word here--of our calories in the evening and take them to bed with us, a practice that doesn't do any good at all. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#calories #dinner #food #lunch #mealtime