#funny

You're (I'm) not weird, you're (I'm) just not preticularily normal. ↗

— Ben van Waterschoot

#wierd #funny

A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

What's with the super soaker?" -Stephine "I had a stork of genius when you called me this morning I said what do I have to do to protect myself from the vampire? And the answer that came to me was holy water! I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner." -Lula "You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?" -Stephine "Yeah I sucked it out of the church. You know that birdbath thing they got right up front?" -Lula "THe baptismal font?" -Stephine "That's it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking." -Lula "Brilliant." -Stephine ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#funny

You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me." "I was ninety percent sure." "I see." Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put his hand to his cheek, more surprised than in pain. "What the heck was that for?" "The other ten percent. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #humor #funny

And I figured you'd drive a four-hour round-trip before giving up your car to someone else ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

Unless philosophy can make a Juliet, Displant a town, reverse a prince’s doom, It helps not, it prevails not. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#funny

It's funny how the colours of the like real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen. ↗

— Anthony Burgess

#funny

I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is "In 15 minutes everybody will be famous. ↗

— Andy Warhol

#funny #funny

Zee replies grimly, 'I understand that problem...Buns is a force of nature.' 'She is,' I say with a reluctant smile, 'you're kind of screwed, dude. She's definitely got her own ideas.' Zee grins too. 'Do not laugh too hard, playa, yours is a Throne..karma...' he says, noddin' his head before grimacin' and addin', 'ouch'. My smile broadens involuntarily. 'Zee, when did you become funny?' I ask. 'It is difficult to be funny in Human,' he says, before lookin' at his watch and than graspin' the cover of the portal computer. 'Learn my language and you will think I am hysterical. ↗

— Amy A. Bartol

#zephyr #funny

I recently heard of a group called The Lipsticks who only sing Kiss hits, which reminds me of something weird 
I saw yesterday. 
I saw Elvis. And he was impersonating me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #kiss #lipstick #funny