#funny

I had a dream about you. You were Ginger Rogers, and you were trying to teach me to dance, even though my movements were as stiff as a mannequin. I think you tolerated my abysmal rhythm because I was naked, and my body was so sexy it could be used to sell clothes. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Now that's a sight for sore eyes, Sebastian. Maybe I should just leave you here: the hotel maids might appreciate that. Or, better still, maybe I'll take a photograph of you on my phone. Dont worry, I wont post it on the internet, it'll just be my screen saver. ↗

— Jane Harvey-Berrick

#funny #education

Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #love #wife #equality

Amelie said, “I won’t be your servant in Morganville. Nor should you be mine. Equals.” She offered her hand to him, and he looked down at it, clearly taken aback. But he took it. “Now defend what is ours, my partner.” He grinned … grinned! … and whirled to meet Myrnin in midleap as Myrnin attacked. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. ↗

— Melanie Griffith

#love #romance #funny

Snufflers are afraid to experience the abundant possibilities of air, its hidden flurries of ferment. The denial of life is strong in the nose-breather. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #nose #experience

For our fourth date, I said I wanted Italian, and she said she wanted Chinese. We decided to compromise and meet at the movie theater after we’d both eaten. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #dating

For our third date, Agatha said she wanted to pay separately. And I wouldn’t have readily agreed had I known she also meant she wanted to eat separately too. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #dating

It’s been so many years since I actually had a date that I’ve forgotten how to act. You don’t mention your ex when you’ve finished fucking your date; it’s poor protocol ↗

— Scarlet Blackwell

#dating

Love alleviates you the moment you become too sick with it. Live to love, even if you don’t outlive the experience. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #sickness #experience