#funny

Sometimes he hated that voice in his brain, the one that slapped him upside the head anytime he got too stupid. Funny, it happened a lot with Sienna. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#funny

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby-shoes #bench #bizarre #feet #funny

What was that bit about fish sticks?” he asked, climbing back into the SUV. “Oh, pretty clever of her actually, though I thought it ridiculous at the time. Sometimes Mom gets paranoid, thinks people might be out to get her, out to get me.” I laughed nervously at how close that hit to home. “Anyway, one night she was really freaked out and came up with a code. If I was ever kidnapped or something, she would say something about me liking fish sticks. If I said I wanted fish sticks, that meant I was in danger and needed help, no matter what else I’d said to her that I was fine.” “So by you saying you hate fish sticks…”“She knows I’m fine and she doesn’t need to further involve the police. Who says bipolar disorder can’t be useful? ↗

— Christina Garner

#good-to-know #intresting #mental-disorders #funny

Whatever you do, in the privacy of your own rain shower, is your own business ↗

— Gregory David Roberts

#humor #business

To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #age

Democracy: when artists lose patronage and are simply patronized. This is the case everywhere except America, where true art has never existed, and democracy has recently followed suit. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#art #democracy #funny #art

Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks to sell you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Tex's head snapped in my direction. Fuckin' A, woman, you've never had a s'more? he boomed I shook my head. Christ, everyone's gotta have a s'more before they die. Fuck that shit, I'll build a fire in my backyard tonight and I'll stop by Kumar's on the way home to get the stuff. Everyone can come by- ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#hector #hilarious #regret #rock-chick #sadie

I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #home #humor #impatience #impatient

Goodbyes, they often come in waves. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#goodbye #goodbyes #humor #waves #funny