#funny

I won't consider getting horizontal with someone I can barely tolerate when we're vertical. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#sex-humour #funny

I am the mouth that represents the People’s Republic of Chin ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#republic #funny

He is my dog, Toto," answered Dorothy. "Is he made of tin, or stuffed?" asked the Lion. "Neither. He's a-- a-- a meat dog," said the girl. ↗

— L. Frank Baum

#funny

Dylan, while he is in the shower and he and Joss are only seperated by the curtain and his invisibility: Dylan: "Maybe if you would come in here and scrub my back it would speed things up." Joss: "I'm not invisible." Dylan: "I know this. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#funny #joss #funny

I think I exist, therefore I exist. I think. ↗

— David Gerrold

#philosophy #funny

Nix had told Emma before she'd left for Europe that on this trip she would 'do that which you were born to do.' Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her fate sucked. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #funny

You look worse today than you did when you had two black eyes.” “Why, thank you, Tyler. You always say the sweetest things. ↗

— Gwen Hayes

#funny

I did what all good Iriah dads do when faced with a worthy adversary..I said Ask your mother!! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#funny

Her heart sank. That's why he found her attractive- because he'd been so long without. He'd probably find a perfumed rock appealing at this point. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #funny

Tradition or not, I sometimes thought putting children on an old guy’s lap was already creepy enough. We didn’t need to mix alcohol into it. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny