#funny

Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team! ↗

— Pittacus Lore

#funny #humor #nine #funny

If you were to ask me what’s under my bed, I’d tell you shoes. They’re brown, and they’re still attached to the body that’s been decomposing there since I hid it three days ago. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#shoes #funny

I'm funny at home too, but not deliberately. My wife is usually laughing at me rather than with me. ↗

— Daniel Dae Kim

#funny #home #i #laughing #me

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. ↗

— Jimmy Kimmel

#authority #authority figures #boss #figures #flaw

When I’m in a relationship, I love like a burrito. And if you’re a taco, don’t talk to me. At our core we may seem similar, but trust me, we are two different items on the menu. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. ↗

— Henry A. Kissinger

#already #cannot #crisis #full #next

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. ↗

— Henry A. Kissinger

#alternative #moderation #only #those #thought

The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. ↗

— J. K. Rowling

#class #classes #find #funny #i

I think that the episodes are like mini horror films really; the characters make bad decisions early on and these things just snowball for them and get worse and worse. And that's what I find funny. ↗

— Dave Rowntree

#characters #decisions #early #episodes #films

I tell girls all the time that the men that have fallen in love with me, have all fallen during a man repeller stage... funny how life works out like that. ↗

— Rachel Roy

#fallen #funny #how #i #life