#funny

Maruman does not loll. ↗

— Isobelle Carmody

#accidental #cat #coincidence #funny #humor

That bullies have low self-esteem is a fact written by neurotic nerds. In the battle of intellect versus power, the winner lacks integrity. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #nerds #self-esteem #funny

(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#debbiepelt #funny #funny

Who-who are you?" Seth asked, hesitantly."Wh-what do you want?" How else was was I supposed to reply? The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.I mean, I'd only seen the movie like seventeen times. "I'm Luke Skywalker," I said. "I'm here to rescue you. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#jess #meg-cabot #movie-reference #funny

I remember the first time I fogged up your astronaut’s helmet. That night we made space like outer love. But I kept it cool like Coors Light in the fridge, even though I felt heavy and cramped in your chilled kitchen appliance. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #random #funny

I was always loud and obnoxious and giggly and funny. ↗

— Krysten Ritter

#funny #i #loud #obnoxious

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#baby #bath #i #knew #radio

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#bend #diamonds #floor #god #over

Never floss with a stranger. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#floss #never #stranger

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#because #funny #lucky #lucky ones #old