#funny

I strike fear into you because I am a man?" "It isn't funny." "I do not laugh. It is a sad thing, yes, that your husband is a man. A very terrible thing. ↗

— Catherine Anderson

#hunter-loretta #funny

She shuddered. “What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#gross #kissing #laugh-out-loud #funny

It's funny how things work out sometimes. ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#funny

As Confucius once said, "He who does nothing is the one who does nothing."' Gabby pondered the words, the furrowed her brow. 'did Confucius really say that?' Sunglasses in place, Stephanie managed the tiniest of shrugs. 'No, but who cared? The point is, they handled, and most likely they found some sort of self-satisfaction in their industrious-ness. Who am I to deprive them of that?' Gabby put her hands on her hips. 'Or maybe you just wanted to be lazy.' Stephanie grinned. 'Like Jesus said, "Blessed are the lazy who lie in boats, for they shall inherit a suntan."' 'Jesus didn't say that.' 'True,' Stephanie afreed, sitting up. She removed her glasses, stared through them, then wiped them on a towel. 'But again, who cares? ↗

— Nicholas Sparks

#funny

No guest rooms.” I shake my head resolutely. “I want to be in a room room. A lived-in room. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#living #funny

Rose unearthed three crystal goblets that almost matched, and even found a tablecloth that hadn't been attacked by moths since its last public appearance. ↗

— Elizabeth C. Bunce

#goblet #moth-eaten #tablecloth #funny

If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen> ↗

— Foster "Raul" Mkhabele

#funny

He bursts into tears, and not some manlike tears either, where you pretend you're brushing something off your face and, incidentally, wipe a tear. Nope. He starts bawling like a kid who spilled his Slushie... ↗

— Alex Flinn

#funny

Icy: You ladies want to hear something funny? The quiz in last month's Teen Witch said "What would you do if you got to take over the whole universe? Darcy: What did you put? Icy: I wrote "You'll find out soon enough, loser," and sent it in. ↗

— Icy

#icy #the-winx-club #funny

Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #goals #humor #dreams