#funny

And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out. ↗

— Denis Norden

#funny #may #only #out #own

It's funny that all these goths paint their faces with such white make-up and that is the actual colour of my skin, I am that pale! ↗

— Kelly Osbourne

#am #colour #faces #funny #i

When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it's just wonderful. ↗

— Francois Truffaut

#funny #humor #just #made #melancholy

Look at your eyes. You've got bigger bags than Louis Vuitton. ↗

— Matt Dunn

#humorous #louis-vuitton #funny

I thought, What a miserable life he's had, having to hide his religion, his name, just to get a job as a driver—and he is a good driver, no question of it, a far better one than I will ever be.Part of me wanted to get up and apologize to him right there and say, You go and be a driver in Delhi. You never did anything to hurt me. Forgive me, brother. I turned to the other side, farted, and went back to sleep. ↗

— Aravind Adiga

#forgiveness

I tell you, the old-fashioned doctor who treated all diseases has completely disappeared, now there are only specialists, and they advertise all the time in the newspapers. If your nose hurts, they send you to Paris: there's a European specialist there, he treats noses. You go to Paris, he examines your nose: I can treat only your right nostril, he says, I don't treat left nostrils, it's not my specialty, but after me, go to Vienna, there's a separate specialist there who will finish treating your left nostril. ↗

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#health #over-specialization #science #funny

What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic. ↗

— Carl Sagan

#literature #reading #words #writing #funny

If you ask, What is a non sequitur? And I say, “Blue love on a blue moon on Mr. Green’s greenback printing machine (the one that sounds like Weimar Germany in 1923)”, then I have given you an example of a non sequitur. But since you asked what a non sequitur was, the fact that I gave you a non sequitur as an answer means it most definitely is not a non sequitur, since it does follow logically. Because it is means that it isn’t. But because I gave you what you wanted, when you wanted what you didn’t want, then I didn’t give you what you wanted, thus giving you what you wanted. So it is a non sequitur, which means it isn’t. But since it isn’t, when you expected it to be one, signals that it is. So it is and it isn’t, all at the same time! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#non-sequitur #funny

When you're writing what you love, it's the most fun you can have with your clothing still on, unless of course, you write naked. ↗

— Don Roff

#humor #writing #funny

I am a conservative. It’s like being a preservative, but with a backwards shelf life. I conserve the values of the past, and I keep them there so I can behave liberally now . ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #liberal #funny