#funny

All this talk of lost love has made me hungry. I eat like a horse and stand tall and proud like a jockey. ↗

Like the ocean I wave. Hello and goodbye are the same, when I talk with my hand. ↗

I know what party you’re talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you’re going to be there in a costume.” He winked and leaned back in his seat. “I’m going as a homeless person.” “Sexy. ↗

— Chanelle Gray

#funny #humor #romance #funny

All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy’s credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn’t be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty. ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#face #fact #funny #girls #humor

Mal snickered. "What's so funny?" "I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him. ↗

— Leigh Bardugo

#funny #mal #funny

Come live with us, Diana. Don't argue. Just say yes." Diana looked at the ground to hide her emotions. Then she said, "Would I have to be hearing you two going at it night and day? ↗

— Michael Grant

#come-live-with-us #diana #funny #gone #gone-series

Paddle Harder ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#inspirational #funny

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first ↗

— S.A. Bodeen

#s-a-bodeen #the-compound #wit #funny

Don’t believe what you hear about those penguins. A species of lazy waddlers. Their extinction is immanent. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #penguins #funny

And the last thought he had that morning as he closed his eyes was: I hope the tornado hit the moose. ↗