#funny

Pops added,"you know, they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve." "And if you do, you never get the results you expected," (Katherine) replied. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#disappointments #election #elections #false-hope #funny

A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #dog

What goes up must come down. Which is why we invented Viagra, to make it stay up a little longer. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny #humor #humorous #humorous-quote #funny

I'm sure the other kids wouldn't mind not being lectured by another toddler over the virtues of sharing and the mental benefits of toy blocks. ↗

— Hayden Thorne

#toddlers #young-adult #funny

A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me, I’d prefer to be bandaged by a Band-Aid, a blanket, or a pair of lace panties (preferably red).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket isn’t the solution, a blanket is the problem. I say we burn all the blankets, along with the bodies of the unbelievers.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

- Do you ever work? Or do you just walk office to office, soliciting blowjobs? - I work occasionally. It's just that the BJs are much more exciting. ↗

— G.A. Hauser

#sex #funny

Really, it's amazing. You are his other half, Alexandria, You are fated to be with him. You belong to him." It felt like something sat heavy on my chest. "Oh.Oh.No." Seth frowned at me. "You don't have to sound so disgusted. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#funny

The bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#funny #vampire-hunter #funny

If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange