#funny

C: What do you get when a giant sneezes? Out of the way. - Marigold ↗

— Jean Ferris

#giants #joke #funny

Waiters are the help, dear. It's like falling in love with a blender! ↗

— Daniel Nayeri

#funny #lucy-s-mom #funny

Is this why you think you are chosen by God, because only you can understand the funnies that you make about yourself? ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#funny

A funny little literary article in the hand is worth at least three Critiques of Pure Reason in the bush. ↗

— Aldous Huxley

#funny

That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple. ↗

— Sarah Hall

#funny

There's no time to waste," Kai said. He did a backflip off the tower and ran off. "What is it with that guy?" Jay asked. "Always in a rush! ↗

— Greg Farshtey

#time #funny

Liebe auf den ersten Blick existierte. Vielleicht nicht unbedingt zwischen Männern und Frauen. Aber definitiv zwischen Frauen und ganz bestimmten Klamotten. Ich sah es auf den ersten Blick – dieses Kleid und ich, wir waren füreinander geschaffen. ↗

— Emilia Polo

#funny-quotes #women #funny

Red tape is being mishandled as government wrapping paper. We should be putting it over politicians’ mouths instead. ↗

— Bauvard

#government #humor #politicians #red-tape #funny

When there's an attractive lifeguard on duty I always drown at least twice. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lifeguards #funny

I wil not calm down. My baby girl is moving halfway across the country.” “She’s been moved away before,” Dad pointed out. “Yeah, but that was with Billy. We all knew he wouldn’t work out. We’re talking about Hank here. Look at him,” she pointed to Hank. “She’s never coming home. Never. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny