#funny

Hey I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, 'I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead.' Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead. ↗

— Bob Peterson and Peter Docter (Up screenplay)

#funny

Gomst's mouth framed a 'no', but every other muscle in him said 'yes'. You'd think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all. ↗

— Mark Lawrence

#humour #liars #lie #priests #funny

I only hope, for the sake of the rising male sex generally, that you may be found in as vulnerable and soft-hearted a mood by the first eligible young fellow who appeals to your compassion. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#marriage #funny

I beg your pardon; I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#english #funny #man #vulnerable #funny

What's big, thick, makes the earth move, and wants to have its way with you?" "I don't know, but can you introduce me? ↗

— Gregory Maguire

#funny

C: What do you get when a giant sneezes? Out of the way. - Marigold ↗

— Jean Ferris

#giants #joke #funny

Waiters are the help, dear. It's like falling in love with a blender! ↗

— Daniel Nayeri

#funny #lucy-s-mom #funny

Is this why you think you are chosen by God, because only you can understand the funnies that you make about yourself? ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#funny

A funny little literary article in the hand is worth at least three Critiques of Pure Reason in the bush. ↗

— Aldous Huxley

#funny

That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain’t scored a triple. ↗

— Sarah Hall

#funny