#funny

...Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff?" - Aunt Edna ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#funny

A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but also psychologically, would be to stuff a dead rat in the hole.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Wanna see the rest of my happy place? ↗

— Dia Reeves

#funny #slice-of-cherry #funny

Oh, this is the most TRAGICAL thing that ever happened to me! ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#funny

A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chisel it out of the fireplace the stocking is hanging from. Let the homeowner know how much you care.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though. ↗

— Robert DeCoteau

#celebrity #funny #humor #humorous #quotes

I feel like I’m going to die,’ he says. ‘Could we talk for a few minutes before you die?’ ‘Only if you do it quietly.’ ‘I met this girl last night. I need your advice.’ ‘Come back later.’ ‘No. You might be dead. ↗

— Doug MacLeod

#humor #funny

He'd have to turn on his high-voltage charm with these people. Should work. They were only used to 12V battery power after all-he'd dazzle them. ↗

— Josephine Myles

#funny

Before I sold used cars, I sold used horses. Mostly to glue factories. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#factories #funny #horses #humor #sales

Когато обясняваш даден образ на истински актьор или актриса, често са достатъчни само една дума или фраза: "Това е фалстафовски тип" или "Това е една модерна мадам Бовари". Разправят, че Джед Харис веднъж казал на една актриса: "Този образ притежава подвижността на черно лале, което се поклаща от вятъра." Това е вече прекалено. ↗

— Charles Chaplin

#funny