#funny

When people try and change you for the better, you should let them. That way when you remain the same person despite everything, it can’t be said that you have no one to blame but yourself. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #identity #sameness #change

You don’t offend me. At least not until I change my name. Once I change it to Asshole, then I might be offended you keep calling me Jarod. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #offend #change

I would be an organ donor, but I’d much rather donate a piano. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #organ-donor #piano #change

Sonya's a real person, like your Mother. Thirty years ago, that was your Mother's biggest flaw in my eyes, and now that's the thing I love most about Sonya. It's funny how things end, isn't it? ↗

— Matthew Norman

#funny

The atmosphere is always very grave when I walk into a cemetery. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grave #humor #change

I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dead #death #funny #hate #late

I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#body #cop-car #death #funny #murder

IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#ron-weasley #death

Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #ron-weasley #death

Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff. ↗