#funny

Please, comrade! I just want to chop him up for the stew!' 'And that's another thing! I'm tired of stew! I want to put him in a crust and bake a light fluffy quiche!' 'QUICHE?! What kind of food is THAT for a monster to eat?! ↗

— Jeff Smith

#humour #quiche #stupid-stupid-rat-creatures #food

I need to get ready. Ash? Touch the food and I won't take you for a driving lesson tomorrow. Dad? Touch it and I'll make you take him for a driving lesson tomorrow." Dad backed away from the counter. Ash scowled. I laughed and continued upstairs. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#logic #maya #food

Sometimes I think I know her. This is not one of those times. This is not 3:33.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #knowledge #relationships #time #food

You asked what is the secret of a really good sketch. And it is a sketch is a small play. It's got a beginning, and a middle and an end. It should have a plot; it should have the characters, conflict. It is a little play. And in it, will be funny stuff. ↗

— Harvey Korman

#beginning #characters #conflict #end #funny

Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke. ↗

— John Krasinski

#being funny #carry #down #funny #good

Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny. ↗

— Ronald Knox

#funny #man #only #therefore

When I first envisioned 'Funny Games' in the mid-1990s, it was my intention to have an American audience watch the movie. It is a reaction to a certain American cinema, its violence, its naivety, the way American cinema toys with human beings. In many American films, violence is made consumable. ↗

— Michael Haneke

#american audience #american cinema #american films #audience #beings

Trojan, Durex, Lifestyles, Trojan Magnum (oh yeah, my three foot cock definitely needed those), Contempo, Vivid and Rough Rider. Seriously? There was a condom brand called Rough Rider? Why not just go with Fuck Her Hard and be done with it? I stood in the "Family Planning" aisle of the grocery store, trying to decide which condom brand was more effective. Family Planning…give me a break. How many people came to this aisle because they were planning a family? They came to this aisle to AVOID planning a family. --Carter ↗

— Tara Sivec

#condom-funny #humor #family

I write about wounds, the eternal treasons of life. It's not very funny, but it's sincere. My commitment is to sincerity. ↗

— Tahar Ben Jelloun

#commitment #eternal #funny #i #i write

Funny, I don't feel any more powerful today than yesterday. ↗

— Jerry B. Jenkins

#feel #funny #i #more #powerful