#funny

Ambition is a funny thing. It’s like being a Trekkie in that if you admit to it, those around you are mock supportive of your confidence but are quick to call you a loser behind your back. Or maybe that’s the opposite of being a Trekkie. ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#geek-humor #geekery #nerdy #star-trek #support

Ant 1: So, uh, do you ever worry that your itsy little neck is just going to snap under the weight of your head? Ant 2: Stop asking me that. You ask me that, like, every five minutes. Ant 1: Sometimes I notice my antennae out of the corner of my eye and I'm all, like: AHH! Something is on me! Get it off! Get it off! Ant 2: Yeah, the antennae again. Listen, I just remembered, I have to go walk around aimlessly now. ↗

— Jim Benton

#ants #funny #funny

A woman’s magazine quiz: Question: You decide to do the dread deed and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over, and asks, “Was it good for you?” You: a. Say, “God, yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my life” b. Say, “Sure, as good as it gets for me with a man.” c. Put a Certs in your navel and say, “That’s for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way back up, after the job is finished ↗

— Christopher Moore

#sex #funny

Hey, A-D-D,” she called out to Claire, “come over and try these on. ↗

— Kimberly Derting

#love #teasing #funny

Totally drained he could only manage one but he made it a good one tongue included. “Delicious ” he murmured. “So depraved ” Colton muttered. “Thank you.” “Get off me.” “Mine ” “Stings.” “Boohoo. ↗

— Finn Marlowe

#cute #funny #m-m-paranormal #m-m-romanc #shifters

My hatred notwithstanding, I had to admit Dimitri Beli-whatever was pretty smart ↗

— Richelle Mead

#rose #funny

The same beautiful receptionist greeted Christian who had met him before and she extended the same lush invitation as she had the last time. Victoria's eyes narrowed and Christian chuckled under his breath at her jealousy."Relax chérie, she's paid to do that." "Well, she didn't come on to me, so obviously she's not doing her job properly," Victoria said. Christian laughed. ↗

— Amalie Howard

#jealousy #romantic #supernatural #ya #beauty

I brought you a snack," Takumi said, dropping an oatmeal cream pie onto my book. "Very nutritious," I smiled. "You've got your oats. You've got your meal. You've got your cream. It's a fuckin' food pyramid. ↗

— John Green

#humor #food

Chairs have legs. Four of them, like my father. Meow.
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— Jarod Kintz

#cats #chairs #dad #family #father

Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should have seen it coming.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #food #funny #grandpa #humor