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Read through the most famous quotes by topic #funny
I could pour my love in a coffee cup and the shivering and skeptical would beg me to drink it on a cold winter morning. And could they drink from my coffee cup? No, because it’s not like there is coffee in there, or even hot chocolate. My love is the only thing filling that cup, and everyone knows (well, everyone but Agatha knows) that you can’t drink my love, you can only eat it. That’s because my love is frozen like 32 degrees spun around 180 degrees, translated to Inuit, shipped to Siberia, tutored in a gulag, and sent back to the US in the form of a Martini on the rocks by a bartender named Martin Rock. ↗
According to research from punchaguywithglasses.com, homeless people are making as much money as most recent college graduates. ↗
#economic-depression #funny #homeless-people #joblessness #recession
Looks like we have quite the predicament here, boys.” I smile at both of them, then eye the coffee in Breckin’s hands. “I see the Mormon brought the queen her offering of coffee. Very impressive.” I look at Holder and cock my eyebrow. “Do you wish to reveal your offering, hopeless boy, so that I may decide who shall accompany me at the classroom throne today?” Breckin looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Holder laughs and picks his backpack up off the desk. “Looks like someone’s in need of an ego-shattering text today. ↗
#colleen-hoover #dean-holder #funny #hopeless #sky-and-holder
We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”. ↗
Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt. Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’d met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted. “Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?” “Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!” The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas. I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings. ↗
Maybe she should cut the guy a little slack, [...] Maybe Thorne had been a no-show because something bad happened to him on the job. What if he'd been injured in the line of duty and didn't come by as promised because he was incapacitated in some way? Maybe he hadn't called to apologize or to explain his absence because he physically couldn't. Right. And maybe she had checked her brain into her panties from the second she first laid eyes on the man. ↗
What’s the difference between an omelet and an Omelet? One has cheese and vegetables, while the other just has Vegetables. I’m talking, of course, about my good friend Omelet Vegetables. He got his name because his mother was some sort of vegan hippy. But now that she doesn’t even eat eggs, and she really regrets naming him that. I met him while attending the University of Phoenix--the very same University of Phoenix campus that burned to the ground, and then rose up out of its own ashes. Fortunately, we didn’t have class that night. Omelet hates it when people greet him with, “What’s cooking?” And I completely understand. ↗
Oh," Sally brightened proud of herself for deciphering his sign language, "you're telling me not to leave my room." Costin nodded his big wolf head again. His eyes had begun glowing back in the party and even now they continued to emit an eerie shade of green. Sally's inner Jen had been triggered as soon as she got the words out. So naturally she did what her inner Jen told her to. She stepped forward putting one toe outside her door. Costin growled, so she stepped back. Watching him coyly she put her other toe outside her door and he growled again. She was inwardly scolding herself for taunting him and allowing her inner Jen to control her actions, but she had discovered long ago that sometimes inner Jen is just more fun. When Sally stuck her foot out for the third time, she giggled when Costin snapped at her. She could tell that he was playing by the way his tail wagged and his eyes lightened, but had not stopped glowing all together. ↗
#funny #humour #inner-jen #playfulness #sally
Nowadays, all a man can do to be original is to cite the earliest known quote on that subject. Women, though, have no problem being original. In fact, women are always being original. I constantly have to tell my wife to stop talking so much nonsense. ↗
