#funny

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. ↗

— Laurence J. Peter

#make #right #three #try #two

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know. ↗

— Laurence J. Peter

#know #knows #man #until

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. ↗

— Laurence J. Peter

#art #fine #fine art #forgetting #hear

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. ↗

— Laurence J. Peter

#american #changed #child #force #immovable

If I had eyebrows like two rainbows, I’d probably make love like a leprechaun. But it’s cool, because with that pot of gold, I’d have plenty of money to pay the prostitute.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #eyebrows #funny #gold #humor

If I were a taxi cab driver, as lots of writers supposedly are, and my boss were to tell me that I couldn’t read on the job, I’d obediently go around running every STOP sign. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #job #logic #obediently

Travis: I didn’t know they made permanent makeup. I looked like a clown for a month. Connor: Yeah. They put a curse on me so that no matter what I wore, my clothes were two sizes too small and I felt like a geek. Travis: You are a geek. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #twins #funny

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#funny #funny

It's funny how when you're little, you miss all the little lies. They float right past you, but you don't wonder about them much. For a long time, you think this is just something adults still do after being kids - pretend. Then one day you wake up and realize most of the world you're in is built on someone's make-believe. ↗

— V.C. Andrews

#funny

We still have a lot to talk about," I said. "Talk?" He shook his head, his eyes full of desire. Kiss, he whispered to my thoughts. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #kiss #nora-and-patch #nora-grey