#funny

Cat's friends seemed like very sweet girls," Dad says. "They were the bomb," I say fervently, and he looks back at me with raised eyebrows. "'The bomb' is a good thing? Like 'sick'? "Duh," I reply, and Dad lets out a sigh. "Thirteen-year-olds should come with subtitles," he says, turning onto our street. ↗

— Maya Gold

#language #oldies #sick #subtitles #youngsters

After all, if spinster chaperons required their own spinster chaperons there simply wouldn't be enough to go around. ↗

— Anne Stuart

#funny

It’s been said that 1 in 4 people have herpes, and everyone has 4 grandparents, so let’s be honest, your grandmother is probably a dirty skank. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#herpes #funny

I won't consider getting horizontal with someone I can barely tolerate when we're vertical. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#sex-humour #funny

I am the mouth that represents the People’s Republic of Chin ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#republic #funny

He is my dog, Toto," answered Dorothy. "Is he made of tin, or stuffed?" asked the Lion. "Neither. He's a-- a-- a meat dog," said the girl. ↗

— L. Frank Baum

#funny

Dylan, while he is in the shower and he and Joss are only seperated by the curtain and his invisibility: Dylan: "Maybe if you would come in here and scrub my back it would speed things up." Joss: "I'm not invisible." Dylan: "I know this. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#funny #joss #funny

I think I exist, therefore I exist. I think. ↗

— David Gerrold

#philosophy #funny

Nix had told Emma before she'd left for Europe that on this trip she would 'do that which you were born to do.' Apparently, Emma was born to get kidnapped by a deranged Lykae. Her fate sucked. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #funny

You look worse today than you did when you had two black eyes.” “Why, thank you, Tyler. You always say the sweetest things. ↗

— Gwen Hayes

#funny