#funny

Tradition or not, I sometimes thought putting children on an old guy’s lap was already creepy enough. We didn’t need to mix alcohol into it. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

It all began when... they're funny, those words. Everyone uses them, without thinking what they mean. When does anything begin? With everyone it begins when you're born. Or before that, when your parents got married. Or before that, when your parents were born. Or when your ancestors colonised the place. Or when humans came squishing out of the mud and slime, dropped off their flippers and fins, and started to walk. But all the same, all that aside, for what's happened to us there was quite a definite beginning ↗

— John Marsden

#narration #start #funny

Bücher haben Ehrgefühl. Wenn man sie verleiht, kommen sie nicht mehr zurück. ↗

— Theodor Fontane

#funny

So you’ll have to wait for approval from your grandchildren.” “I wonder what our grandchildren will be like!” “Are you suggesting by that ‘our’ that you and I will have mutual grandchildren? Fie, Mrs. Kennedy! ↗

— Margaret Mitchell

#funny

Do I look like I watch Star Trek? ↗

— Michael Scott

#machiavelli #star-trek #funny

I prefer a huge tome to a sharp epigram: only blunt words can hurt dull people ↗

— Bauvard

#epigrams #funny #humor #funny

Then Leo realized something was blocking the middle of his view. Something large and fuzzy, and so close, Leo had to cross his eyes to see it properly. It was a large, ugly face. "Holy mother!" he yelped. The face backed away and came into focus. Staring down at him was a beard man in grimy blue coveralls. His face was lumpy and covered with welts, as if he'd been stung by a million bees, or dragged across gravel. Possibly both. "Humph." the man said. "Holy father, boy. I should think ou know the difference by now. ↗

— Rick riodan

#percy-jackson #funny

He’d use this opportunity to impress Rick and show him that he did, in fact, have more to offer than just being a sexy skanktart. To show that he wasn’t just a brainless bimfoon, that’s when a bimbo breeds with a buffoon, resulting in a true, hot mess. ↗

— Kyle Adams

#drag #drag-queen #funny #kyle-adams #skanktart

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree. ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny

It's a sweet setup, I'll admit. For all that the maids STILL show up each day with jumbo crucifixes, jumpy movements, and red eyes from crying over the short straw that drew them vampire duty.' Yesterday, she'd just stopped herself from raising her clenched hands above her head and chasing one of them around the room groaning, 'I vant to suck your blood. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #vampire #vampires #funny