#funny

Agatha was a woman. All women are mortal. Therefore, Agatha must be dead.” -Orafoura ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mortal #random #syllogism #funny

We’re adults. I might be a little more of an adult if you’re counting years but I bet I have a lower IQ, so that puts us pretty much even. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#cute #funny #humour #romance #romantic

That much sexual tension makes me want to hump a phone pole, and that’s just not attractive in a pregnant woman. ↗

— Amy Lane

#sexual-innuendos #funny

There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway. ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny

Once I started I couldn’t put it down. It was so addictive . . . like a train wreck. ↗

— Katie Klein

#cross-my-heart #funny #jaden-mcentyre #katie-klein #parker-whalen

A new baby! Why, Scarlett, this is a surprise!” he laughed, leaning down to push the blanket away from Ella Lorena's small ugly face." - Rhett Butler ↗

— Margaret Mitchell

#ironic #funny

Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden. ↗

— Bauvard

#confession #funny #humor #prostration #toilet

What do you think, Galen?" Lady Fern asked in a sugary voice. Galen chewed slowly and painfully, swallowing tentatively. It's very unique," he said, trying to look intrigued instead of disgusted. "It's excellent." Lady Fern looked satisfied and turned to say something to her husband, while Galen added quietly under his breath, "...not." --The Fire Stone ↗

— Riley Carney

#funny #lady-fern #food

She'd made him watch every Alien movie. Most of the goriest scenes were accompanied by his dialogue: 'Ach, that's no' - that's just no' right.... Bloody hell, this canna be right. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #kresley-cole #funny