#funny

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #language #funny

I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here." "Is there something wrong with that?" "Absolutely. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#sadness #suicide #therapy #funny

I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#godmothers #humor #lol #funny

I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #loser #truism #funny

And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play "you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#rules-of-attraction #funny

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#funny

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #hilarious #humor #kidnapping

Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself - but he lacked Will's tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#morally-deficant #sarcasm #funny

I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, “The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #lovers #mermaid #pisces #funny