#funny

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected. ↗

— Robert Orben

#children #hand #leaves #never #raise

Shigure Sohma: So anyway I was wondering if you could stop by the house and take a look at Tohru's cut. That is if it isn't a problem. Hatori Sohma: No problem. I'll stop by the house this evening. Shigure Sohma: Hmmm What's this Hatori I don't think I ever heard you sound so eager to come over. Could it be you have a secret crush on Tohru [long silence from the other end of the phone] Shigure Sohma: [shouts] I knew it You naughty naughty man you Hatori Sohma: No I was simply too amazed by your stupidity to say anything. ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#dog #dragon #fruits-basket #funny #hatori

Carnal love: a practical man’s love. A love you can see, touch, and taste if you’re kinky. If you can’t hear it, you’re probably better suited to its more abstract form. ↗

— Bauvard

#love #practicality #sensuality #funny

I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it's something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I'm just damn easy on the eyes. ↗

— Kendare Blake

#anna-dressed-in-blood #attraction #cas #cassio #funny

It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#always #away #forget #funny #get

Goodfellow snickered."Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe." Pulling his dagger ,he waved me on."After you,your highness. Puck to Ash ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#funny #puck #funny

I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #silly #snap #thumb #funny

Yes, fruits and vegetables are healthy. But you want to know why I eat them? Revenge. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#revenge #funny