#funny

Do yourself a favor,' I said. "Forget it. Forget you ever saw me." "Forget that you tried to kill me too?" "Yeah. That, too." "But who are you?" "Percy-" I started to say. Then the skeletons turned around. "Gotta go!" "What kind of name is Percy Gotta-go?" I bolted for the exit. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy #funny-and-random

Woman. Buckle ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#demanding #funny-and-random #funny-and-random

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much. ↗

— Katie McGarry

#funny #karma #katie-mcgarry #pushing-the-limits #funny

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the Lowest crime rates in the country ↗

— Mayor Marion Barry

#stupid #wow #funny

You’re far too prickly tempered to be a mistress. You’re far better suited as a wife. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#historical-romance #lisa-kleypas #funny

I am the Hooray Distributor. Hold your hands flat, not like begging for money, but as if you’re about to applaud. Now clap, damn you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#applause #beg #begging #clap #clapping

boys, girls and music . . why do they need gin? ↗

— Frank

#gin #humor #nice #music

The poet will only be recited until the death of his language. The violinist will only give recitals until the bowing of nose hairs. ↗

— Bauvard

#greatness #humor #music #noses #poetry

I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but safety first! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny #harrypotter #lol #safety #weasley

I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#death #funny-but-sad #goals #humor #life