#funny

Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#bed #clarity #funny #humor #life

Zeb was kindergarten teacher--a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students. ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #kindergarten #maturity #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Around about now, young John Owen comes out of the shack lugging my old musket from the War. At six years of age, our youngest boy already knew his business. Not a word, just brings the shooting iron somewhat closer so's he don't waste powder, then hoists her up, set to haul back on the trigger. I believe his plan was to shoot this feller, get the story later. ↗

— Peter Matthiessen

#age

She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth...Look, there they are. ↗

— Molly Harper

#aunt-jettie #funny #jane-jameson #mama #molly-harper

As a youth I got my jollies by confronting my professors with facts that ran completely contrary to what they were trying to ram into our thick skulls. His expressions of bafflement and anger had never failed to amuse me. ↗

— Lia Habel

#lia-habel #rebellious #anger

Heat radiated off Henry's face. Salty snot ran down his upper lip. A majestic fart propelled him to the top of Section 12, just at the springing of the stadium's curve. He slapped the sign as if high-fiving a teamate. It gave back a game shudder. He was crusing now, darkness be damned, stripping off his sweatshirt and his long underwear top without breaking stride. ↗

— Chad Harbach

#funny #running #art

Regarding creating a new work..."Sometimes you have to beat it like a red-headed step-child. ↗

— John P. Sousa

#funny-art-quotes #art

I've realized, over many years, that it is inescapable...anything can be art. Yet, in my heart, I have to believe there is an exception for musicals. ↗

— John P. Sousa

#funny-art-quotes #john-p-sousa #art

You can read minds, and you didn't tell me?” Link stared at me like he just found out I was the Silver Surfer. He rubbed his head nervously. “Hey, man, all that stuff about Lena? I was yankin’ your chain.” He looked away. “Are you doin’ it now? You're doin’ it, aren't you? Dude, get out of my head.” He backed away from me and into the bookshelf. “I can't read your mind, you idiot. ↗

— Kami Garcia

#funny #humor #link #margaret-stohl #beauty

His eyebrows pulled in. “You won’t leave me, right? Even when I’m a pain in the ass?” “I vowed in front of God – and Elvis – that I wouldn’t, didn’t I? ↗

— Jamie McGuire

#beautiful-disaster #elvis #funny #jamie-mcguire #love