#funny

Don't swallow: your bulging, blushing cheeks display the saliva you want to share. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #kissing #funny

Let's see that wrist." I held it out, and Chase's jaw tightened. "Look at that!" the medic shouted, staring over my shoulder behind us. The moment I turned my head he grabbed my hand and jerked it toward him, hard. A crack as the bones in my wrist realigned. ↗

— Kristen Simmons

#funny

It turns out, Holder doesn’t have an issue with Mormons at all. He just has an issue with assholes. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#colleen-hoover #dean-holder #funny #hopeless #sky-and-holder

I bet she likes it hard, from behind, probably likes to get spanked too. I mean, just look at her, she has a serious come-fuck-me-face. ↗

— Ida Løkås

#fuck #funny #humor #sex #slut

Spontaneous abortion: the opposite of immaculate conception. God has compensated for Christianity’s violent history by revealing that innocent blood does not have to be spilt. ↗

— Bauvard

#conception #funny #god #humor #funny

John flung himself into a pseudo-karate stance, one hand poised behind him and one in front, posed like a cartoon cactus. I thought for an odd moment he had moved his limbs so fast they had made that whoosh sound through air but then I realized John was making that sound with his mouth. ↗

— David Wong

#john #karate #whoosh #funny

Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense. ↗

— Jean Shepherd

#humor #humorist #funny

Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry. ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#funny #sarcastic #toby #funny

I’m probably the last person on earth who will tell you I want to be the last person on earth. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

I’ve been thinking about that proof I spoke of last time – that you’re where you’re supposed to be. And it occurred to me, can you prove you’d be better off somewhere else? If you’d have left the state, your relationship would have ended still. Maybe you’d have even blamed yourself, not knowing that it was doomed because of him, either way. Instead, you’re here. You got dumped, skipped class, and met the best econ tutor at the university! Who knows, maybe I’ll make you fall in love with economics. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#funny #life #love #love-story #funny