#funny

The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#blindfolded #car #friends #friendship #funny

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#funny #goodnight #gwen #funny

You knocked the door down." Disbelief rang in his matter-of-fact tone. "I know," she answered,unable to say anything else. Unable to look away from his body. "But it's solid oak." "I know." She felt the solid oak beneath her and a little shocked that she'd done it, too. If it mattered at all, her shoulder felt a little bruised. And it was the slight pain that brought some reality back into the moment. "You don't have any clothes on." Oh, God, did she really say that? ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#funny #kylie #shadow-falls #funny

Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1:1. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fascination #funny #thinking #funny

I like using big words. Words like huge, gigantic, massive. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

Isn't it funny how we live inside the lies we believe? ↗

— A.S. King

#funny

So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #vampire-academy-series #funny

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat. ↗