#funny

I lost my balance when the train pulled away, but a human crumple zone buffered my fall. We stayed like that, half fallen. Diagonal People. ↗

— David Mitchell

#funny

No funny stuff in here tonight, you understand?” Dash said, “I assure you I could not contemplate any of your so-called funny stuff seeing as how I have no idea why I’m even here.” Mark scoffed. “You bookish little pervert.” “Thank you, sir!” Dash said brightly. ↗

— David Levithan

#mark #funny

Aaron: Dude, one thing the guy said is you don’t taunt voodoo. Zak: Am I taunting? Aaron: Dude, you’re taunting the crap out of it! Zak: I am sorry, I am not taunting you I am just talking...Talking loudly. ↗

— Zak Bagans

#ghost #funny

something funny ↗

— Taryn Chatfield

#girl #funny

We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #patriotism #funny

By the light," he said, when he had mastered himself. "I think that beats singing a lullaby to a stormdog for simplicity and economy, Maerad. But I wish I had known that you simply had to blow at Hulls to get rid of them. It would have saved me a few scars. ↗

— Alison Croggon

#humor #sarcastic #funny

You don’t speak again, unless to use your safe word or yellow to indicate you’re frightened.” “I was at yellow the minute I walked in the door. ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#erotic-romance #funny #romance #funny

I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses. ↗

— Stephen King

#funny #guess #houses #i #main

Arizona is the A to Z of abbreviations. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#arizona #funny #humor #funny

I’m famous for my Shepherd’s Pie. Here’s my recipe: lamb, potatoes, cheese, peas, paprika, and a wool-covered apron for the chef/shepherd/wolf-like politician to wear while serving the sheeple up.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #politicians #politics #recipe