#funny

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#funny #funny

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#funny #funny

It's funny how when you're little, you miss all the little lies. They float right past you, but you don't wonder about them much. For a long time, you think this is just something adults still do after being kids - pretend. Then one day you wake up and realize most of the world you're in is built on someone's make-believe. ↗

— V.C. Andrews

#funny

We still have a lot to talk about," I said. "Talk?" He shook his head, his eyes full of desire. Kiss, he whispered to my thoughts. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #kiss #nora-and-patch #nora-grey

I’m conflicted. On one hand, I want to stay in and catch up on The Vampire Diaries, but there’s this really awesome restaurant I’ve been wanting to try out. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#funny #jessica-sorensen #the-vampire-diaries #funny

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny-and-random #humor #humorous #satire #wit

I decided early in graduate school that I needed to do something about my moods. It quickly came down to a choice between seeing a psychiatrist or buying a horse. Since almost everyone I knew was seeing a psychiatrist, and since I had an absolute belief that I should be able to handle my own problems, I naturally bought a horse. ↗

— Kay Redfield Jamison

#mood-swings #psychiatry #funny

Plus, I love comic writing. Nothing satisfies me more than finding a funny way to phrase something. ↗

— Michael Pollan

#comic writing #finding #funny #funny way #i

Point is, maybe some people wouldn't want to be around me all day, but there are people out there who would. And they're smart and funny. And they like some of the same things I like and hate some of the things I hate, but they also introduce me to all kinds of new things. That's as close to 'meant to be' as I can imagine. ↗

— Lauren Morrill

#romance #funny

You take I-55 south, and you'll run into I-20. Or you could take..." I was about to be overloaded with information. "Oh that sounds just perfect. Let me do just that, or I'll lose track." Sure, glad I could help." Oh, you surely did." We beamed at each other, just two nice women. I had to fight an impulse to say "I have a tortured vampire in trunk," out of sheer giddiness. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #funny