#funny

Chase leaned in close. "hey" What? Are you wearing perfume? No... why would I be wearing perfume?... You sure you're not wearing anything? It smells like jasmine. Must be the bushes ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#funny

You don't like Blue, do you?" "No," Mira said, caught off guard by the change of subject. "I was worried he was doing his knight-in-tarnished-armor thing and it was winning you over. ↗

— Sarah Cross

#funny-and-random #kill-me-softly #mira #sarah-cross #change

The essence of courage is timing. Take me, for example. I’ll show up to fight anybody, anywhere. I’ll just show up a day late. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #timing #courage

Yes it is" Eragon said before his courage left him "just like you ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#funny #courage

I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cranberries #dating #funny #humor #music

And since I’m marrying into the Quartet, I have certain privileges and duties. If you’re sleeping with Laurel—” “I’m not sleeping with Laurel. We’re dating.” “Right, and the two of you are just going to hold hands, admire the moon, and sing camp songs.” “For a while. Minus the singing. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#friends #funny #humor #relationships #dating

I had a dream about you last night.. You kept screaming at Ted Danson to pour you a drink. ↗

— Amy Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life. ↗

— Anyta Sunday

#dating

Staring at my smoldering hot date, her husband stands tall for the first time in a decade, adjusting his toupee while flashing a horrid green toothy grin that looks more like a Steven Hawkins muscle spasm. In his hands, a frightened beer bottle is choked with the steel grip of a sexually repressed Preacher. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one who warned you about dating a politician.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny