#funny

Funyuns make you fart," Caspian said, and I exploded in laughter. "What's so funny?" Ben asked. I tried to stop laughing, but Caspian was leaning forward now, his face stck right in between us. "Funyuns give you bad breath, too. Not very attractive to the ladies." He paused. "ON second thought... enjoy your Funyuns, Ben!" I had to bite the side of my cheek to keep from giggling. The fact that Ben had no clue what was going on made it even harder to stop. ↗

— Jessica Verday

#ben #caspian #funny #funyuns #funny

When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#funny #past #funny

If the law can be broken it will. Anyone who breaks the law is a risk. You can break the law. So you see, I have to take you in for questioning. This produce stand has an ominous future. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #murphy-s-law #funny

As we drove uptown, I spotted a Kmart on a corner,with its familiar red sign.I cleared my throat."Wait. Can we stop for a minute?" "What for?" "Just - I need a few things." He looked irritated, but pulled into a metered space. "We don't really have time to go shopping." I glared at him."yeah, excuse me for being so frivolous. You have your suitcase all packed already; I dont even have clean underwear.I'll be right back. ↗

— L.A. Weatherly

#funny

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#funny #twilight #vampire #funny

I’ve always felt that Mimi was a doubly selfish name. It’s all about me, not you, Mimi. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#selfish #funny

Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About: - Titanic sinking again. - Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda. - Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #panda #puppies #titanic #funny

I have a memory like an elephant penis, and it shows. Especially when I wear tight pants. My mind bulges with thoughts of Agatha and I. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #memory #funny

I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset. ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#humor #humour #funny

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #politics #funny