#funny

One thing that I used to believe that has stuck with me is, of course, that farts are funny. Burps, too. Sneezes, even. Pretty much the whole gamut of bodily noises is a treasure trove of ready-made comedy. You gather a handful of small boys together and let them entertain themselves and there will be more sharp honks than an angry L.A. freeway. But there's a time and place for such fun, and every second of every day, no matter the location or company, turns out not to be the appropriate venue for a gastrointestinal symphony. ↗

— Greg Knauss

#funny

I kicked, shouted an obscene word, got another faceful of goo for my troubles, and did the only thing left available to me. I started to laugh. This was a stupid way to die, all right. But also a god damned funny one. ↗

— Adam-Troy Castro

#andrea-cort #funny #funny

Smartass Disciple: Master, I don’t need a fairytale.I need you to tell me the truth. Master of Stupidity: It is not funny if you just found it. No drama if no lost at first. ↗

— Toba Beta

#fairy-tale #fun #lost-and-found #truth #funny

Time is funny lately, nothing to do with clocks. ↗

— Victor Lodato

#funny

Sometimes she despaired at other women - their feebleness, their triviality, the nonsense they absorbed. So many were like little doe-eyed deer waiting to be chased, clueless with a different mindset and a bit of effort they could be the predators. ↗

— Dave Franklin

#funny

There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough to pass out before any violent action proved necessary. He had been deposited, not very gently, on the lawn, where it was hoped that a hyena would give him a rude awakening. For all practical purposes he could, therefore, be regarded as absent. ↗

— Arthur C. Clarke

#drink #drunk #funny #humorous #funny

You are my flesh and blood and I have always doted on you, but right now I would have to say you deserve a haughty, ruined chit for your own and she deserves you. ↗

— Mary Balogh

#funny #mary-balogh #mr-mason #funny

He was becoming aware that there was no such thing as over-the-top with Lawrence Davenport, as long as you were talking to Lawrence Davenport about Lawrence Davenport. ↗

— Jeffrey Archer

#funny #funny

A brick could be tied to a cape, and then exalted as a superhero. Is that any more absurd than Superman?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to trick a bull into charging at you. After you trick the bull, trick a bear next, and then by that time all the investors will be playing your game, not even knowing that you are the Blanket Master that controls the world.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny