#funny

A dancer on break approached him. She smiled. Each tooth was angled in a different direction, as if her mouth were the masterwork of a mad orthodontist. "Hi," she said. "Hi." "You're really cute." "I don't have any money." She spun and walked away. Ah, romance. ↗

— Harlan Coben

#funny

May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him. ↗

— Roman Payne

#funny #humor #humour #living #men

Life has a funny way of turning you into the one thing you don't want to be. ↗

— Jonathan Levine

#life #you #funny

Whenever I open one of your emails it’s like you’re right there next to me, whispering your most personal computer virus into my hard drive. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #innuendo #intimacy #funny

If gossipers were clocks, they’d go tock-tock, tock-tock, tock-tock… ↗

— Benson Bruno

#gossip #humor #time #funny

To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king. ↗

— Susan Mallery

#girlfriend #humor #funny

Damn it,” I said. “I don't suppose you have any ideas on how to kill Littleton.” He smiled at me, his teeth very white in the darkness of his face. “Eat him,” he said. “Very funny,” I turned to leave. “Kill the vampire and the demon goes away,” He told me. “That's what the witch told Adam. And you kill a vampire by staking him, cutting off his head, and then burning him. “Thank you” After I shut the door behind me, I heard Darryl say, “Of course, eating him would work, too. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#darryl #funny #mercy-thompson #funny

Funny thing about revenge. It could make a killer out of a nun. ↗

— Kevis Hendrickson

#revenge #rogue-hunter-saga #zyra-zanr #funny

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. ↗

— Steven Wright

#far #forever #good #i #intend

The elephant’s love for him was a love I have never known – yet always longed to. For why should he be remembered always, and not I? ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #love #memory #funny