#funny

I've lived a full life. I never once went hungry. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #hunger #life #funny

I want you to know, chickens aren’t sexy. Not to me.” This was met with silence. “Are you there?” She was slurring her words now, which was embarrassing, so she took a deep breath. “Cam? Can you hear me?” “Yes, chickens aren’t sexy. Uh…I don’t think they’re meant to be. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#gabriel-syme #lamp #order #tree #funny

Manners, boy. I'll beat them into you if I have to. ↗

— Lori Foster

#funny

Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife ↗

— Ruth Downie

#ruth-downie #terra-incognita #valens #funny

Well," he said, "I think we've found our way in. We just wait until they're duking it out, but trust me, these Humans First types don't have a lot of staying power or they'd have been at the gym with me before. I doubt Grandma Kent there is going to do a lot of damage." He pointed at a gray-haired, hunched lady in a shawl, carrying what looked liked a gardening tool. "It's like Plants Versus Zombies, and I'm not rooting for the zombies, weirdly enough. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#human #humor #plants #shane #zombie

There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. ↗

— Kristen Chandler

#morning #funny

Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#catharsis #funny #humor #funny

Bring on hyperinflation! I want to be a millionaire with minimal work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #hyperinflation #funny

Ellis: "What's so funny?" Skyla: You're funny," I say. "You look real scary. I bet your mom's proud, though." I don't know why I add that last bit, I just do. ↗

— Addison Moore

#skyla #funny