#funny

The Princess Bride S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure You had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone had a chance to read it. ↗

— William Goldman

#authors #funny #high-expectations #narrative #princess-bride

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name. ↗

— Rucy Ban

#funny #humor #love #romantic #witty

I’m glad you’re gay,” she said solemnly, “because that way, if I can’t have you, no one can.” “Um, Rocher,” I mentioned, “like, a dude could have him.” This had never occurred to Rocher because she’d thought that Jate being gay translated as, “I love Rocher Bargemueller so much but I don’t deserve her so I’ll never have sex again.” The concept of Jate with a guy was fresh turf and Rocher regarded him with an especially deranged sparkle in her eyes. “I could be a dude,” she said. ↗

— Paul Rudnick

#humor #love

It seems to me that a man who can think straight along for forty-seven years without changing a single idea ought to be kept in a cabinet as a curiosity. ↗

— Jean Webster

#change

Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, "Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend some up-close and personal time with ninety pounds of barbarian woman-flesh! Sorry, I don't know how much that is in kilos. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#change

When people visit my farm they often envision their dog, finally off-leash in acres of safely fenced countryside, running like Lassie in a television show, leaping over fallen tree trunks, shiny-eyed with joy at the change to run free in the country. While they're imagining that heartwarming scene, their dog is most likely gobbling up sheep poop as fast as he can. Dog aren't people, and if they have their own image of heaven, it most likely involves poop. ↗

— Patricia B. McConnell

#change

Jackie had now changed her tune, clinging to me as if she liked it. “I’m irresistible, brother, he’s swapping sides for me.” “I can’t fight it any longer,” I said, nonchalantly. Wade shook his head at us. “I’ll be sure to pass this news along to your husband, sis.” “He can have the kids,” Jackie said, causing everyone to chuckle. “We insist,” I tossed in. ↗

— Ethan Day

#change

My fortune-teller read my palm and said I would die young and unmarried, but that was before my hand got scarred. So as soon as that knife-wielding maniac gets out of jail, I’ll propose to her again. ↗

— Bauvard

#fortune #funny #humor #marriage #marriage

A blanket could be used to save your marriage. But to be honest, I’d recommend saving your marriage in a Tupperware container. That way it’ll stay fresher for longer.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I have a funny name. ↗

— Pia Zadora

#i #name