#funny

I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#funny #revenge #food

Agreed," I say. "It's going to be a long hour." "Maybe not that long," says Peeta." what was that you were saying just before the food arrived? Something about me ... no competition ... best thing that ever happened to you ... " " I don't remember that last part," I say, hoping it's too dim in here for the cameras to pick up my blush. " Oh, that's right. That's what I was thinking," he says " Scoot over, I'm freezing. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#funny #romance #food

Take some jelly take some fish look at that sandwich delish just make sure that you don't eat a real jellyfish...OR YOULL DIE!!!!! ↗

— Jeffry Dallas

#jellyfish #funny

Funny how in a city of 750,000 one could feel so utterly alone and vulnerable - half a million people and no one to protect you. It's partially the nature of the location of Winnipeg. Alone in the Prairies, in the middle of the country, where the wind blows hard and the snow can pile up around your feet while you wait to cross the street. ↗

— Jan Guenther Braun

#funny

How funny would it be if we left a trail of Faerie dust in our wake?” “That would be hilarious.” I laughed. “It’s a shame we don’t produce any.” Do we? I idiotically shook my hand as I tried to brandish Faerie dust like Tinkerbell. It didn’t work. ↗

— Cesya MaRae Cuono

#elemental-reality #lola #funny

I can never be perfectly certain whether Helen was got with child by Leonard Bast or by his fatal forgotten umbrella. All things considered, I think it must have been the umbrella. ↗

— Katherine Mansfield

#funny #howards-end #funny

Oh dear Sunday, I am so happy that I want your entire wisdom at my dinner table. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#love #wisdom #love

I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #surreal #funny

Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten." My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. "It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven." "Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat-crawfield #catherine-crawfield #funny #halfway-to-the-grave #humor

Love is a war of all for all. That is why we must covet our neighbors as ourselves. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #neighbor #war