#funny

I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed me. Right here.” I pointed angrily to my neck. “Can I not have him committed or something?” Dr. Pritchard snorted. “For loving you?” I drew back, shaking my head in disgust. “Dr. Pritchard,” I admonished softly. “Whose side are you on?” “Braden’s. ↗

— Samantha Young

#funny

You know how teachers tell you the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. The magic word is 'puke'. It will get you out of class faster than anything else. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #puke #funny

Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #gilligan-s-island #jace #laugh #mortal-instruments

Love made you admire funny things about a person, like how good she was at remembering to return her library books and at slicing cucumbers very thin. She was a veritable wonder at pulling a splinter out of her foot. ↗

— Ann Brashares

#funny

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#accompany #bizarre #funny #harmonica #humor

It's funny, but certain faces seem to go in and out of style. You look at old photographs and everybody has a certain look to them, almost as if they're related. Look at pictures from ten years later and you can see that there's a new kind of face starting to predominate, and that the old faces are fading away and vanishing, never to be seen again. ↗

— Alan Moore

#fiction #photographs #time #funny

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect. ↗

— Bauvard

#heartbreak #humor #love #funny

There had to be a circle of Hell where you were eternally fourteen, eternally in junior high. One of the lower circles. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#funny #funny

It's funny whom we end up choosing to love and who ends up choosing to love us. It's rarely the people we think it should be. ↗

— Robin Jones Gunn

#truth #funny

Isn't that someone we know?" asked Horace. He pointed to where a cloaked figure sat by the side of the road a few hundred meters away, arms wrapped around his knees. Close by him, a small shaggy horse cropped the grass growing at the edge of the drainage ditch that ran beside the road. "So it is," Halt replied. "And he seems to have brought Will with him. ↗

— John Flanagan

#funny