#funny

Of course I wasn't abused. If I were; things would be so simple. I'd have a reason to for being in a shrinks office. I'd have a justification and something to work on. The world wasn't going to give me something that tidy. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

Irene gasped. "Have you taken leave of your senses, Stuart?" she hissed. "Have you?" Stuart closed his eyes. "No," he said. "Au contraire." It was strong language for the Edinburgh New Town, but he had to say it. "Don't au contraire me," said Irene. But it was too late. He had. ↗

— Alexander McCall Smith

#funny

Are you always an asshole?" "No. There's just something about you that brings it out in me." I cocked my brow at him. "You're right. I lied. I'm always an asshole. ↗

— Nyrae Dawn

#funny #funny

No sticky till I no longer feel icky, you feel me? ↗

— Ethan Day

#luke #owen #funny

Our cadaverous cadre has been walking for little over a day... ↗

— Isaac Marion

#wordplay #funny

I just don't know what I'd do without a brain, Simone!" I say. "I mean, what's a person without one? ↗

— Randa Abdel-Fattah

#brains #funny #funny

I kind of think that everyone who disagrees with me is wrong. ↗

— John Green

#humor #funny

Sithspit! What's that?' 'That's the sun, Wedge. It's after dawn.' 'Well, it offends me. Turn it off.' 'It's a hundred thirty, hundred forty million klicks from here.' 'Go up in your X-wing and shoot it down for me. ↗

— Aaron Allston

#janson #wedge #funny

I once inscribed the word "Ennui" backwards on my forehead, and I was so bored that I stared at it in the mirror for hours. And at the end of that time, I felt like Sheryl Crow, and I looked like Aleister Crowley. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bored #boredom #ennui #funny #mirror

I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny