#funny

A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able to tell for sure if you try to run the experiment with the brick upside down. Keep flipping the brick over until the desired outcome is reached, and then you’ll know for certain the test is valid.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#high-school #humor #funny

My second thought was to fire a gunshot, but the last time I did that his security robots jumped me. It only takes one cavity search by a robot to convince you that’s an experience you don’t want to have twice. This called for a more subtle approach. ↗

— John Zakour

#humour #search #experience

Just relax and breathe through your ass. ↗

— Lewis Black

#funny #humor #noremorse #faith

He said "cool" like I say a Spanish word when I'm not sure of the pronunciation. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#funny #language #spanish #funny

Making endings sound the same isn’t just bad poetry, it also slanders everyone with a superior posterior. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #poetry #funny

I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mirror #funny

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male ↗

— Keisha Keenleyside

#humour #random #funny

I can't believe this heat," Abbey said, taking her tunic and pulling it over her head. Underneath was a form-fitting top that showed a figure unaccustomed to idleness or excess. Kip stared at her the way he had at the shiney curves of the steel horse back in the garage. "Can you imagine what it must have been like hundreds of years ago, when weather changed just a few times a year?" she said, wiping sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. "Yeah, it must have looked great," Kip said. "What do you mean looked great?" Abbey said, turning her eye on Kip. "Must have been great, like you said," he corrected. ↗

— Shawn Keenan

#funny #heat #kip #pervert #change

The essence of courage is timing. Take me, for example. I’ll show up to fight anybody, anywhere. I’ll just show up a day late. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #timing #courage